when we override the feeling of “no”

Imagine someone asks you for something. It’s not huge. Maybe it’s a favor, a ride somewhere, an introduction to someone.

Immediately, there’s a feeling — a contraction. The body knows it. The energy knows. So does the calendar, the irritation, the exhaustion.

No.

And then almost instantly, a voice: “you should,” followed by all the reasons you should. This justification has the effect of overriding the initial feeling

We don’t have a problem saying “no.” We have the problem of not trusting that initial feeling. We push past the contraction.

This is conditioning at work. So many of us have been trained to act out of obligation and responsibility. Even when we are exhausted, we override all the signals and keep going.

The real work is learning which to trust, the initial feeling or the voice saying “you should.”