when we say “women deserve equal pay”

Most of us (here, anyway) believe that women deserve equal pay. We’ll vote for it, we’ll jab at the air when talking about it, we’ll urge our friends to raise their prices.

But when it's time to quote a fee: "I don't want to ask for too much."

The racing heart, tight throat, dry mouth when saying the fee. Even after calmly rehearsing the fee a hundred times, the body is saying something different.

The thoughts, which are coming so fast it’s hard to grasp any of them. “The price is too high.” “They aren’t going to pay it.” “The economy is bad right now.”

And even, perhaps, “I have a money mindset problem (that I thought I’d worked on).” “I have a self-worth problem (that I thought wasn’t as much of a problem anymore.” “It’s because I grew up in a bad money environment (that I thought I worked through already).”

So in that moment, in this confused state, attempts to make sense of the beating heart, the dry mouth, etc.

That’s when, “I’ll give you a discount” slips out.

Just because there’s a rapidly beating heart and a tight throat doesn’t mean there’s a self-worth problem, a client can’t pay, or that there’s anything wrong. The brain’s job is to keep us safe and is throwing up all the thoughts to minimize risk and danger.

Just because there’s dry mouth and sweaty palms doesn’t mean a lower fee is the answer.